New Years Resolutions

A few years ago I changed the way I do my New Years Resolutions. I used to pick one thing - usually something cliche like get in shape or watch less tv or eat better. And like most Americans, I had quit on my New Years Resolutions by March. 

The statistic for New Years Resolutions is crazy by the way and it points to the fact that we as Americans suck at commitment. 

Or do we? Or is it that we are making the wrong kind of commitments? Or could it be that we are approaching New Years Resolutions in all the wrong ways?

I read a study that was printed in Forbes that said only 8% of the people that make New Years Resolutions keep them. And only 41% of the US Population makes them. Doing some quick math with the population data from 2013 (when Forbes published their data) that means that 1 in every 30 people keep their New Years Resolutions!!! 1 out of 30!!!! 

So it’s no surprise that I was one of 29 that didn’t. So for a long while I stopped doing it all together. I got tired of feeling like a failure at something, that come Dec 31, I no longer cared about either or would just end up saying “oh well there’s always next year.” And then the next year would come and the cycle would repeat. 

So how do I do it now? Well first, those questions I asked earlier started me wondering if I was just missing the mark on this kind of commitment. I learned through my counseling work that change takes time, planning, and baby steps. 

If you want to make a change that is going to stick; there has to be a plan with specific- and I mean as specific as you can get- details. You can’t just say I’ll get in shape or I’ll join a gym. You need to make a plan for the steps and a plan for the little steps. You can’t take big bites because you’ll choke. 

I joined gyms but never planned out specifically how I was going to keep myself in that funky smelling room past March. I didn’t think about accountability or how I planned on keeping it consistent. I didn’t plan for pitfalls or those days when I didn’t care to get out bed. I also didn’t have a reward system. These are all pieces to the puzzle of successful change but I’m not here to talk about that today. 

Sure I did some of those things but what I found to work better for myself is by making myself a bigger target. This “bigger target” is two fold for me. 1. I made a list of goals instead of just one I’d have at least 10 of them. And 2. More than half had to either impact someone other than me or be something that would make me better as a person rather than a physical change. Some examples from years past include: sending physical birthday cards to all of my family, reading the Bible from cover to cover, reading 12 books (6 nonfiction), learn how to meditate, laugh more often, volunteer for two nonprofits you’ve never helped before, cross one thing off your bucket list, and help someone close to you (just to name a few). 

I applied the pieces to the puzzle of change and can gladly say that 1. These are way more fun than going to a gym and 2. I find that doing something that brings real and true fulfillment into my life is way better than getting into my jeans from high school. I also feel more accomplished because I’m doing something that matters and I want to cross them off my list even if I don’t want to get out bed. 

So now each year I make a list. Post it where I can see it and keep a copy on my phone so I have it with me. I’m still working on my list for next year but this year I crossed off several. I will get the whole bible finished in the next couple of days. I volunteered at a new non profit and am already searching for new ones. I got to help out several close people from my family and friends. I picked up a new hobby. And I tried quite a few new things. I didn’t get them all and some I didn’t finish but that won’t stop me from trying again. 

So what’s on the agenda for next year? I haven’t finished my list but some of them include paying off debt, writing love notes to all my family, reading the Bible from cover to cover, declutter my house and give it all away, help someone new, and learn to say more positive things to others whenever I think them. 

I also am trying to figure out what my God given word to focus on is going to be and let God guide me in what he wants my New Years Resolution to be. This takes time and prayer so I don’t have it yet but I’ll try to let you know when I do. The practice of finding a god given word is also another post for another day. 

In the meantime as you all start making plans for next year try to evaluate yourself inside as well as out and look for things that will really have a bigger impact. You never know what kind of change you might see both in you and in those around you if you just aim for a bigger target. You also might find that you are way more motivated to get out of bed and go accomplish those pesky New Years Resolutions! 

Stepping Out - Success or Failure

 "Stepping out" can mean so many things. We can say things like "I'm taking a leap of faith" or "I'm getting out of my comfort zone." While for me lately has been a little bit of both. I have been stepping out and stepping into new and exciting things.

I realize that I have neglected to continue to publish content to this page and as a result feel as if I have failed. But I am reminded that a 100% of people that don't try - fail a 100% of the time.

To say I have failed would be an overstatement. I have tried and that does not make me a failure. It doesn't make me feel all that successful either. And that leaves me wondering what success really means and if I need to be reminded of what success - by my definition - means.

To me success is something that has to be defined by the individual and the individual alone. Meaning, you decide what success looks like and what failure looks like and be careful not to define your success or failure in absolute terms or by the terms of the people that do not try.

It is scary stepping out and trying new things. Failure is not something that any one of us ever want to feel. But - again - it's all in how YOU define it.

I have family and friends that see success and failure in one term - numbers. They define success and failure by how much money you make, by how many followers/subscribers you have, by how much approval you gain from others and how many others you need to have approval from. - Whew that felt winded...

The truth is for me success is defined by the opposite of failure. Success is when you don't join that group of people that don't try. So you don't make money. So you don't have a million followers. Did you try? Did you fall on your face? Did you get dirty? Did it hurt? Did you learn something? To me a yes to any of these questions equals success. Success is trying. Success is learning. Success is doing it. So I should feel successful even if wasn't by much.

You can work your life away and feel like a failure. Or you can get up each day with a purpose to try. You can try to help someone. You can try to change the world. You can try to build Rome. See where I'm going? It isn't going to happen over night, but each day provides an opportunity for a win. A loss only happens when you don't go for a win or you don't even try.

Tomorrow will come with or without you. Today is the only day you've been given and if you didn't get that 1 million subscribers or make a profit but you did your best then today is a win and a success in my book.

Don't give up on something or feel as if you are a failure if you go 7 months without writing an article for your blog (Sorry for that by the way). Don't feel failure if you miss your goal of losing 5 lbs. Don't feel failure if you didn't meet your goal of making a lot of money. (By the way "a lot" is a subjective term and a dangerous one at that because it is allusive.)

Feel success when you gave it all you had and even if you didn't meet your goal for the day - you tried. Too many people don't even try - but you did! You win! And remember today or any day for that matter is not defined by our successes or failures. You won't be remembered as the guy who made millions or the gal that got a 1000 subscribers over night. You will be remembered in how you did it and what you did. You'll be the guy that robbed a bank or the gal who burnt her hair with firecrackers (just kidding - but I've been there.)

How do you want to be remembered? The guy who saved lives or the gal who had compassion on a stranger? The guy who wrote the book that changed the way we do (insert your passion here) or the gal that invented (new way to underwater basket weave or whatever you love to do). Or the person who never tried.

So get up off the couch, step out, and succeed today at what will matter tomorrow.  Maybe success today is not writing a blog, or posting on social media. Maybe today's success is defined by something else - family time, crafting, meditating, exercising, skipping desert. What's your definition of success? Are you up to stepping out tomorrow? Or today? It isn't too late if you're still breathing.